Wednesday, January 31, 2007

so yes, i do drink. i'm a drinker, though not a heavy one. i don't find anything wrong with that albeit the fact that i'm pushing the boundaries of my religion, but i've been brought up with the mindset that as long as i'm safe & sound after that and not go to the extreme, i'm fine. as weird as it may sound, my folks don't exactly score an A+ in religion either.

but i've been taught about respect.

see the difference between me and some others that sets me vastly apart from them is that i look at the environment i'm in before i do anything that will send rude comments my way like wildfire. i don't drink when i'm surrounded by those who are bothered by what i do. i don't drink when i'm with people whom are strong in their faith, or who don't drink. i don't drink especially when i am donned with an attire that others will assume that i'm proudly screaming "HEY! I'M DRINKING, BUT IM A MUSLIM!" (because for one obvious reason, i don't wear a headscarf.)

now YOU; you drink, even when you're portraying yourself to be holier-than-thou, in your white jubah & songkok, and proudly claiming you're an Arab.
now YOU; you ask me to keep the drinks coming, even when your speech is slurred and your breath is foul.
now YOU; you indulge in your sins even greater, groping the women you've bought, in public and not giving two fucks whether she likes it or not.
now YOU; you tried to look down my shirt so many times even though it's an innocent polo, when i'm serving you.

and you did all this after you've mentioned the name of Allah in your sentences countless times. let me tell you, even the Egyptian woman who comes in occasionally and even though her sentences & conversations are laced with His name, but doesn't not cover herself up to reveal her eyes only, know better than to contradict herself by drinking.


i'm not holy. i'm not trying to preach. you may say that im only 16, but i can just as well retort that you're probably in your 40s and you should DAMNED WELL KNOW BETTER.



other than work,
had lunch with Rae, Stef & Tommy @ Bakerzin, Paragon yesterday! whoots. the food's good, if you're rich & don't mind wasting money on food that you're only gonna eat a portion of. which according to the portion i was given, isn't really that much.
but it's a lovely feeling, catching up with friends over what we've lost about each other. it leaves you with a warm sense of satisfaction, knowing that you're not forgotten and that they will probably be in your life for quite some time (:

Rae wants to plan a class chalet. haha. let's see that happen.


i've been missing alot more colors lately. even unconsciously, i've been wearing basic colors out (other than my Monkeys polo), and i only realised that when i saw all my other colored clothes in the laundry basin.

i need to find my colors again.

so i've spilled my guts out to you. well, most of em at least.
i hope you're the least satiated, feeding your curious hunger.
am i supposed to wait and watch you leave now?

speeding into the horizon
dreaming of the sirens
wishing for broken glass on a highway
it could be so easy

the rhythm; rhythm of an engine
always makes me empty
i see the headlights coming at me
i can't help but wonder

flying, flying in slow motion
the wind through my hair
and ripping through the scenery
oh, the wreckage
it is my secret need.

i woke up at a forbidden hour in the morning to this:

"nrl! i made up my mind! lets both fall in love willingly! fuck getting hurt. want want!"

i wasnt sure if i was dreaming; im not even sure i replied.
and four hours later i woke up again and realised it wasn't a dream.

yes, this is what people feel when we guard ourselves too much that the wall is just too high to be broken down. we've got friends who've got our back and go with us through all odds together, but sometimes theyre just not enough.

yes marr, i wanna feel the purdy butterflies in my stomach too. feel the dizzy spells when he walks by and blush furiously when he speaks to me. i wanna be able to not just like a guy for how he looks or smiles or acts, but for who he really is, and love him that way. that's why i love it when a new guy comes in. it's like, despite the unfathomable attraction present, there's also the teeny tiny chance of a possibility that hey, maybe he could be the one.
maybe five years down the road, we'd still be hand in hand, laughing and crying over the same things.


i want love to fall so easily like the rain that's falling now.


(the stupid CNY celebs downstairs are annoying the fuck outta me and messing my thoughts. dont get me wrong cos i'm not racist or anything but KNN they woke me up from my sleep with their terribly loud, and incredibly off-pitched voices, wailing CNY songs at what is most probably the most maximum volume. jesus.)

whooots! like old times in the music room back in ISCT during music after the exams. Jason on the drums, Andreas on the guitar, Boris on the bass, and Julien or either on of em on the mic. while the rest of us thrash along till ms Ciliers would come in and shout at us to keep the volume down.

aaahhh... dont we all just wanna rewind to a few years back? i know i do. :)

yeah as much as i'm happy here with life & all that jazz, i still think i can do so much better somewhere else. why? cos results are coming out in about a week. i'm dreading it, but might as well get it over with.


work's been fun. i prefer working the shifts when Dila & CK are around cos time seems to fly and we'll all just goss like crazy. Luke's okay, but sometimes i wonder if he's working as well or if i'm the only one? haha. howells, just fast forward each week to SUNDAY and i'll be fine till 11pm :)

till then, it's raining, so
skipadeedoodah-skipadeedayy!
xx

i THINK this is the right order.

i love you
you love me
barney gave me HIV
with a great big hug, but barney wanted more
i got raped by a purple dinosaur.

good night & good morning.

so a bald man got really really really piss drunk and he was exiting Harry's which was opposite 3 Monkeys, when he tripped down the three steps from the door and landed on his head, back of the head first on the sidewalk. the fact that he was bald made it really obvious that he was bleeding profusely; the blood was seriously just streaming from his head. you can actually realise that there was a moment of stunned silence as the loud "THWACK!" registered in everyone's minds, and everyone's heads turned to the direction of the fallen man. soon a small circle formed around the bald man - including those i assumed are his friends, some other night-lifers who were helping, and most certainly a few kaypohs who couldn't resist such an 'exciting' incident.

of coure, the kaypohs included April, who ran all the way from 3 Monkeys to go have a look-see. haha.

the bald man wasn't moving, and from across the streeet i could see uncle Alphonso trying to heave the man up which he did in vain cos the man was bigger than him. the mother of all hookers at Orchard Towers, Kak Julie, told me the man probably died, seeming he was really really drunk and apparently he wasn't breathing. i didn't know the man, and under all other circumstances i wouldn't pity him for getting himself drunk all the way to hell - but i was praying that what she said wasn't true.

i told Harold to call the ambulance, but uncle Sunny laughed and said this was no big deal. are you kidding me? wait till you get drunk and hit your head on the sidewalk, i'd leave you bleeding there. jesus. all Harold did was bring a first aid kit box which Sunny told him to do, only to come running back ten seconds later cos all he had in the first aid kit box were some plasters and antispetic.


by this time, business at Orchard Towers had literally stopped. hookers and their clients from Orchard Towers Apartments came down to look, and so did the ones from Queen's next door and Britain's down below. even the mat & minahs who sit around doing nothing outside our kitchen went by to have a look.


if you realise, everyone was just looking or staring. no one was doing anything.


i took out my cell to call the ambulance, but Luke stopped me cos he said someone already called in. sure enough, ten minutes later - which isn't exactly what I'd call speedy, the guy could've already died for christ's sake - the sirens came and a stretcher was wheeled to the front of Harry's. some hookers thought it was the police and started running the other direction, this including the old illegal ah-pek pimp in his worn out sandals and rolex watch (irony).

and well, after the ambulance came, all life at Orchard Towers returned to normalcy.

normalcy @ Orchard Towers: hookers & clients rush back up to their rooms, un-booked hookers go up to foreigners and run their hands all over each other, and Kak Julie calls more people in.

yep, it's such a routine that i bet by the next day, this fifteen minute incident would long be forgotten.

the storyline is focused on the civil war that raged Sierra Leone in the mid to late '90s; a desperate and voracious fight for the diamonds that were discovered there since the 1930s. the holocaust pales in comparison to this particular civil war, despite the former being publicised twice as much. in fact, the war in Sierra Leone lasted twice as long as WWII, and many more people suffered in the hands of the Revolutionary United Front (RUF) during Foday Sankoh's regime. who would've thought, that such a thing we consider luxurious and extravagant, that those who have more of it are those we deem the rich upper class.. actually bring about violence, bloodshed, torture & war.

the movie is just another witness that we all needed to bring the issue of conflict diamonds to light. conflict diamonds: diamonds that are implicated in horrific human-rights abuses, including child labor, diamond-fueled violence & environmental destruction (read more..) sure, the Kimberley Process has been established in 2003 to end this issue, but how effective it actually is, is not yet widespread. the purpose of this organisation - created by Global Witness, NGOs, governments and the UN - was to decrease the number of conflict diamonds making its way into the legitimate diamond supply industry; participating countries selling their rough diamonds will have to claim that their export is not used to fund the rebels or any civil wars in the country, in exchange for firearms.

of course, on the issue of rebel militia & civil wars, also bring to light of the suffering of the civilians that are forcefully pulled into the picture. during the ten-year horrors of Sierra Leone, the RUF were notorious for their inhumane brutality; mass rapes and amputations of limbs, to name just a few. the purpose of the RUF is definite in the sense that they were rebeling against the Sierra Leone government with the slogan "No More Slaves, No More Masters. Power & Wealth To The People". yet it wasn't clear on which stand it took, whether nationalism, facism or communism. but during the ten-year struggle, the RUF demonstrated massive cruelty, such as extensive use of child soldiers and abduction of children for the army or prostitution, but they were more popular for severing the limbs of their victims whom they did not murder. a common reason they used for this act was that the people "had power in their hands" to vote, thus hacking off their hands would prevent such. more gruesome examples of their doing would include making bets on the sex of an unborn baby, and then slicing open a woman's womb to determine the winner.

finally in 2002, the war in Sierra Leone ended, along with wars in Angola and also the Republic of Congo.

but the issue of conflict diamonds speaking in the present is still a question mark. the export of conflict diamonds have been reduced massively, yet there are still ongoing leaks here and there of illegal diamond smuggling, which will eventually lead to well-developed countries for sale.

i'll give you a picture: imagine a rich man walking into a jewellery store to buy a diamond necklace for his daughter's 13th birthday. i mean turning 13 is pretty big; it's the journey into teenagehood. so hey, why not a special present right? so the man chooses a 13carat diamond (turning 13, so might as well) necklace, and pays for it, having it giftwrapped in a box with a pretty bow. he brings the box home, and gives it to his little girl. the daughter is ecstatic, and throws her arms around her father to thank him. wondering aloud, she asked "you must've spent alot on this, daddy", to which he replies "well, it's my hardearned money and you deserve it."

okay so on one side of the world we have a happy girl with some new bling, which she most apparently deserved. but on the other side of the globe, a 13 year old african boy is put to intensive hard labor, sieving through rivers to find rough diamonds, after not having to eat for maybe a few weeks and is frail & thin, yet not complaining for fear that he will be gunned down. and who will gun him down would also probably be another 13year old, forced into the rebel troop and trained to kill, to shed anyone else's blood but his, for rough diamonds. this same 13 yr old was probably also forced to kill his parents by his rebel troop, as a common act they tend to do.

so yes, the girl deserved her diamond for her thirteenth birthday. but the 13yr old slave did not deserve the labor he is put to, neither does the 13yr old soldier deserve to be brainwashed and to be intensely traumatised, by the deeds he has and will do. one man's meat is definitely another man's poison.

so the next time you buy a diamond, think ahead and back. of the possibilities, of the background. ask your jeweler a few questions to make sure that what you're buying isn't a conflict diamond. ask what is the company's policy on conflict diamonds. to make the Kimberley Process swift & effective is not only the job of the participants, but also ours; to prevent the continuation of blood diamonds.

okay, long post. research done, opinions given. not sure if most of you actually read it throughout, or didn't give a hoot. but do spread the word and raise more awareness to this issue. you could be helping the world more than you think.

shoot my cupid outta the sky;
then break off his wings, and gouge out his eyes.

&it's a not so sunny yellow banana day after all, huh?

2:17 AM

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Tuesday, January 16, 2007

& it's a beautiful morning,

.. knowing somewhere out there, there's still some good old lovin' happening in the world.

okay, so I just chanced upon two cats having a go at it while walking to the cab for a ride home. like seriously - to put it bluntly - major fucking going on. this probably fascinated me for a good three seconds cos
(i) I can't recall the last time I saw one cat on top of another, and
(ii) cos it was 0515hrs, I wasn't focused, and it just caught my eye.

see, if my muscles weren't numb from working nine hours straight, I would've gotten a photo for you pro-animal lovers so y'all can get it on, if you're into that kinda shit (don't shudder, I happen to know a few)
but I don't, so this post doesn't get any more interesting.


except that maybe,
I PASSED UP THE MUSE CONCERT AT THE LAST MINUTE.

imagine lah: $87 worth ticket which was fully paid for.. and it's MUSE. a once in a lifetime chance. ONCE IN A FUCKING LIFETIME. what was I thinkin? hmm.. maybe the company wasn't gonna work out for me. and maybe cos for a moment, I thought I could spend it with someone better.

but it's frickin' goddamned MUSE!!

no nevermind. I love my bed. I LOVE SLEEP. I love to sleep in. NICE, SWEET SLEEP. FLUFFY PILLOWS, COMFY BED.


SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPP...

5:38 AM

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Sunday, January 14, 2007

Which would you prefer?

when a guy calls you "gorgeous",
when a man calls you "beautiful",
or when a drag queen calls you "very pretty"?

you wonder whether they're drunk.
but other times you just feel good about yourself :)



Nuraini mentioned we haven't spent enough time with each other. true, a week seemed like forever. the logic behind this is that we've barely ever been separated. the most it has been is 3 weeks, when she went to Cape Town and I, to Jakarta in '05. We have so much to catch up on, it's crazy. What the hell would I be doing here if it weren't partly for her right? except when she's a pain in the ass, but hey, it's sisterhood :)


p/s; I had a dream about you and it wasn't pretty. we were on a ship, during Mardi Gras. I was a waitress at the restaurant, you were a patron. and you were with her. topless. does that mean something? haha

xx

2:29 PM

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Friday, January 12, 2007

je veux ceci MAINTENANT.

Introducing the Apple iPhone:

iPhone combines three products — a revolutionary mobile phone, a widescreen iPod with touch controls, and a breakthrough Internet communications device with desktop-class email, web browsing, maps, and searching — into one small and lightweight handheld device. iPhone also introduces an entirely new user interface based on a large multi-touch display and pioneering new software, letting you control everything with just your fingers. So it ushers in an era of software power and sophistication never before seen in a mobile device, completely redefining what you can do on a mobile phone. [Source]

Holy mothereffing jeeberrrrrzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that has got to be the best thing 2007 will ever see. and the future years to come.

I WANT I WANT I WANT I WAAAAANTTTT!!!

sighh. the joy & happiness money can bring me sometimes. I really wish I was an heiress to something, even if it has to be the best brand of toilet in the world. really. people need toilets. they need to shit, to pee, to puke, etc. toilets are the number one moneymakers in the world.

so make me an heiress, daddy.

btw,

Do come & watch Kumar perform LIVE @ 3 Monkeys, Orchard Towers, every Thursday Friday & Saturday night for a fun-filled night of fun & jokes, that you'll go home laughing all the way still. I'm serious, he's that good. he may not be very approachable and can come off as very sombong but hey he's a diva, so he's allowed to do that. but he'll blow you away on stage; he's funnier than I thought he would be.

Covercharges are as follows:
$18++nett on Thursday
$25++nett on Friday & Saturday
First set starts at around 10.30pm, followed by another set at midnight.

I wasn't paid to advertise, if you were thinking that.

work has been fun/good/tiring/torture, take your pick. I come home everyday feeling weary, with aching feet, and only have enough time to change to some drabby sweater and sleep. surely the bed has never felt so comfortable in all its three years I've had it. and yet I feel good about myself; I'm working my ass off to make some cash roll in, baby! at least now I don't feel so useless anymore.

and, it's a bonus if rich smart, hot guys come in to buy you a drink :)

3:18 PM

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Wednesday, January 10, 2007

wanna know what i want?

I want to be more than just.. THAT.



howells. what can I say? I'm an ultra girl.
and ultra girls deal with whatever they're hit with, themselves.

6:12 PM

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Monday, January 8, 2007

boobs, boobs and MORE boobs.

Both fake AND real.

Like omg, if you're a guy who gets rock hard easily, you'll end up in the hospital cos of excessive blood flow to your genitals and overwhelming arousal. word of caution though, mostly the boobs are fake cos well.. they mostly belong to MEN. or to put it correctly, women who were once men. whether the transformation is complete, I have no idea, haha :) But it's pretty fascinating - yet at the same time, extremely DISTURBING - to watch the night scene @ Orchard Towers. which makes me feel very very, very blessed to be working at the safe haven of 3 monkeys, where I am fully clothed in jeans and a baggy 3 monkeys polo tee.

But after awhile it gets pretty disgusting. You see five women (mostly foreign), throwing themselves at one guy, regardless of the obvious fact that he's lacking alot physically. you see these women dressed in micro-mini tight skirts, and tops which are probably altered for maximum BOOB SPILLAGE, and who do you see their arms around? a really big, fat, hairy and greying angmoh. well, these places are 90% frequented by angmohs, so it's not a rare sight. and to think that hey, THESE GUYS COULD ACTUALLY BE FRICKIN MARRIED, really does not help censor the image of them fucking around while their wives are alone in bed.


Other than that, my first day of work wasn't as bad as I'd expected. Adel sent me, so my jittery nerves were calmed down a whole shitload. I rubbed shoulders with Kumar so many times, yet he never actually looked at me in the eye with a smile (maybe he puts on a friendly front on stage & tv; sorry, but what an asshole). a negro guy asked for my number and when I didn't give it, he got pissed off and didn't leave a tip like he always does.. he's a regular. (shit.) I haven't broken anything and I hope my luck stays that way. I don't think my senior worker really likes me; I think he thinks that I'm just some kid. and I learnt that even at 0445hrs, people still DO come down to chow on pizza & pasta.


oh, and I get a free dinner! it's damn delish.


howells, so now I'm working full time - just temporarily. 8pm-5am everyday, and I get off on Fridays. wow, I'm actually holding a full time job. as exciting as it sounds... I'm still really scared.

xx

2:50 PM

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sheeshaaaa lovinnn'

@ Ambrosia

Caught up with Kak Nadz for lunch @ Genki Sushi, and Mumz & Farah @ Ambrosia. so many stories, so little time. when you spend time with people you haven't met for more than two months, it suddenly seems as if you haven't met them for ten years.

Shanker met us afterwards at Dhoby Ghaut, and McDonalds was where we were at, having a little "freedom celebration" with some smirnoff and fries. this pathetic reunion is what people come up with when two of 'em have work tomorrow, another has school, and the last one is flying off to the Land Down Under within two weeks.

wow.. feels pretty surreal, that in four hours, you can find me working my ass off waiting tables, cleaning up after people and taking orders until 5 in the morning. I'm gonna be workin, bitches! whoots!!

aight I'm gonna shower, meet up with girlfriends for late lunch, and Adelo for coffee. my freedom ends as of.. now. hahahaha.

&next up will be the 24th :)

2:50 PM

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like rabbits for roadkill

if I cost more than a dime, would you willingly take me under your wing and look after me, no matter;
or would you disown me for being the financial burden?
if I didn't acquire the IQ of Einstein, would you acknowledge my presence and respect my flaw;
or would you kick me out from "the world" and your life, because I didn't rise to the standards?
if I told you the truth behind the marks, would you stop the denial, and reassure me that everything is gonna be perfect once again;
or would you set your phasers to stun me, and refuse to accept?

I guess they're more like the answers I wanna hear, instead of questions I wanna ask.

the truth hurts a shitload more than people said they would. fuck, well then stop telling people that honesty is the best policy, cos it isn't, especially not when the blunt truth hits you ten times harder than a sharp cold slap on the face, or that it blows you right off the tracks the same way an oncoming train would.


so... maybe we should all just stay outta each other's lives.
it'd be a hell lot easier for everyone.

1:42 AM

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Sunday, January 7, 2007

I didn't wake up smiling.

I wanted to tell you:

i wish She didn't exist.

... but I couldn't.

So right now, I'll just keep hanging on to the thread that I never noticed grew so amorphous, just within the span of a few weeks.

2:44 AM

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Saturday, January 6, 2007

The starfish story.

It goes a little something like this.

One beautiful morning, at the crack of dawn, a wise old man was walking down the beach admiring the sunrise. Smiling to himself, he proceeded walking along the beach bay, when he saw a silhoutte dancing ahead. Curious, he walked closer and closer to the shadow, and at close range, he realised that the figure was not dancing at all; it was in fact, bending down to pick something up, and then throwing that something into the water.

Much intrigued, he finally asked the figure, "Hey there, what are you doing?" The young man looked up from his task for a moment to answer, "I'm throwing the starfish back into the ocean," and resumed his task. The wise old man was puzzled. As if knowing what was on the old man's mind, the young man said, "The water's their home; they belong back there, not on the beach." Throughout the short conversation, the young man had been walking further down the beach, picking up starfish and throwing them into the water. The wise old man logically exclaimed, "But young man, there are thousands of starfish on the beach, and the beach stretches for miles! What difference can you possibly make?"

At this, the young man picked up one more starfish and threw it gently into the water. He turned to look at the wise old man. "I did, for that one."

Went for lunch at Fish&Co., Wheelock Place, for a small belated birthday bash for Nissa. Happy seventeenth, babe! :) My feet hurt from walking too much. But this afternoon was just too worth it and too priceless to complain about.


Just so anyone would like to know, I got the job at 3 Monkeys Cafe @ Orchard Towers. I'm a frickin' waitress, working the night shift from 8pm till 5am. As of Monday, I will turn into a night owl/walking zombie.

Drop by if you wish, and I will serve you with as much effort not to spill your drink - or even worse, food - on you.

..then again, maybe you'd like to stay away until the second week.

xx

11:56 PM

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Friday, January 5, 2007

And so, here goes..

a much fresher beginning.

It's what I've always wanted innit?

6:09 PM

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