spring.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

moved.

Mummy left this morning with Ruran, yes it's rather.. sad.
I hate how on the last day, she decides to get herself attached to me.

But, what's another few weeks right? :)

This blog will still be open, but not in use.
Change your links - thanks for taking note. <3

12:00 AM

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Thursday, August 23, 2007

guess who's back, back again.

This was taken AFTER she'd woken up from her nap; AFTER mummy came back from lunch with my aunt; AFTER I'd cleaned her up & changed her; AFTER she'd cried her lungs out upon discovering I, & not her mom, was next to her;
AFTER she'd thrown up all over my front.

Lucky I was wearing the hotel bathrobe - I love my tee shirt to death & if it reeked of the aftermath of chocolate biscuit vomit, I think I'd cried together with her & we'd been kicked out of the hotel for creating a huge ruckus.

She act cute only, but what a rascal.

So mummy brought me to NYDC yesterday night for a chat, and turned out to be a long, heartfelt one at that too, up to the point where we both were crying. Thing is, I DON'T CRY. Ask anyone, and they'll tell you.. maybe I do, but not very often. Other people cry, not me. & definitely not my mom. In my whole six years of having known her, I've only seen her cry THRICE, & those were major events, like Pu' passing away two years back. So it was a pretty major deal.

Plus there was a really hot waiter there, & it was really embarassing even though I wasn't bawling or anything but, STILL.

See, it's not easy talking to your stepmom about yourself, when firstly you don't even know much about yourself and secondly, it's just abit weird. Maybe not for other people, but our relationship'd started out really rocky; with her discovering my diary with "I HATE THAT BITCH" written on several pages (& it's purely her fault for snooping, but I apologised nonetheless). & now, she's partially my confidante. Or somewhat like it, she expects to be it anyway. & it was amazing how I could actually find words to describe/tell her yesterday, that I found myself actually saying words that I never intend to say until a long time down the road. Sometimes she amazes me, I actually amazed myself, and last night ended off really good :) Daddy took us for drinks after, & I knocked myself out with double vodkas of anything, but I still couldn't sleep well cos I was cramped on the hotel couch, freezing like no one's business & kept awake by male snoring, =/

Anyhow, dinner's at Monkeys tonight - the irony of being there when I'm not working. And, I need to find a new job; I shall go job hunting come next week!

AND GUESS WHAT, EXAMS HAVE ENDED SO NOW I HAVE SEVEN FUCKING WEEKS OF FREEDOM - which leaves me time to grow fat & be a sloth despite working, haaaaaaaaaa :D

Call me out darlings, I've been missing people more than anything.

xx.

5:04 PM

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Sunday, August 19, 2007

a short distraction, to say..

OH MY GAWD THE TODDLER IS SO CUTE,
I CAN SQUISH HIM TO A MILLION GAZILLION PIECES.
but then the video gets retarded at around 02:05.

oh well, Happy Birthday anyway, Nur Aini.
You're 19 now.
Time to start acting like it. :D

<3.

12:46 AM

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Thursday, August 16, 2007

high - yehr- tus.

♥

Fri 160807 0830-1030hrs: Micro Economics
Mon 200807 0830-1030hrs: Accounting For Assets
Tue 210807 0830-1030hrs: Statistical Methods Of Business
Wed 220807 0830-1030hrs: Principles of Management

♥

♥

"If I could be a Kennedy
If I could be a real heartbreaker
I'd watch you crash into my arms
with the stars, into the barrel of a gun -
And die young."

♥

9:37 PM

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

so "a" likes "b" but maybe "b" likes "c" - so what happens to "c"?

HAHA OKAY PARDON MY FAT THIGHS,
apparently wearing black doesn't help much :D

I snacked at night for the first time in months (or at least it feels so) - fucking hell yeah wow, yeah I know I actually went for a whole hour thinking it wouldn't kill me just this once; I'll just cut down & balance on calories tomorrow. Just that I can't keep up with this mentality any longer, cos then it's just total suicide. Haha, how superficial. But I guess everyone's like that - even you; don't lie, it's proven that everyone's at least 30% superficial, and half the people in my life are 70% so anyway.

Okay you know, I actually had quite a fair bit to blog about & this page has been open since two hours ago but it's been 3/4 blank the whole way because interesting people keep popping online, haha HELLO! :) I love talking to people. Or when people talk to me. Even when I appear "busy" or "away" & yes I do get irritated sometimes because it's clear that I'm either one of those, but then still, its a nice feeling.

Right? Right.

I should stop drinking black coffee every morning, my voice is growing hoarser (or more hoarse?) by the day & it irks me cos I have to clear my throat every 5 minutes so I end up sounding like a drag queen.

& oh okay so just five minutes ago I got a heads up about a date with my Econs tutor at 10.50am tomorrow, but I'm sharing him with 5 other girlfriends.

What the fuck, why so earlyyyy. :(

10:36 PM

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so maybe i won't. but it'll kill you less than it would me.

See if I had a polaroid camera, the one that develops the photo within ten seconds of being taken, I could've shot your look of contempt. That expression that anyone can easily intepret as hatred, or something close to that. Then when the photo's printed, I can just stare at it for the longest time, trying to decipher whether you really meant it and desperately hoping you didn't. And then maybe wonder for a minute, whether you knew what being hurt really meant when you'd uttered that you were so just five minutes ago, because if you did then we'd be on the same page, after everything you've thrown at me too.

Fuck, it tastes like damn cigarettes in my mouth & I haven't touched any, hell no. My throat's acting up again too, I want to cough but there's nothing to cough out yet I can feel/taste the icky mucus that's being excessively secreted right now for no reason - bleargghhhh.

Today was fun, though. :)

<3.

1:54 AM

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Tuesday, August 14, 2007

stop the bullshit,

I'd thrown most of any faith or hope out way before anyway.
thought maybe there was some left (? - rhetorically asking)
but fuck, no.

1:27 AM

Monday, August 13, 2007

weirder than ever, each night.

I had a nightmare last night; Mom spiralled downwards a psychotic state of mind & went on a killing spree, killing everyone that I've come across in life with a knife, a shotgun, her own hands. Her husband, her children, my grandparents & I were spared a bit of mercy compared to the rest, whom she gunned down while we were lining up to be killed. No escape, I heard the shot that killed grams.

After which my mom turned to me, & said with glazed cold eyes: "Your turn comes tomorrow."

I woke up two hours late for studying because of this.

But NOTHING comes in the way between me and my coffee, even if I wake up past noon & my digestive system is overturned & lagging, I LOVE COFFEE BEAN'S DAILY BREWS, regular-sized & plain black, thank you very much.:)

I need to revamp my mp3.
I need new songs.
I need to study Econs.
I am comfortable in my flipflops and oversized sweater, even if I'm at the heart of Orchard.

6:28 PM

mais calme, je suis hereux :)

Last time I came was Rodin's showcase, which was years ago actually. Such disconnection. Taking time off from the real world in an art museum's my idea for a Sunday, plus it being a lazy one today was a major plus so not many people were around. From gallery to gallery; I liked how invisible I felt, floating through eras & different concepts of art pieces for a whole hour plus. No disturbance, no thoughts about exams, but the echo of your own footsteps following you through every hall. Affandi's showcase was breathtaking & disturbing, with the self portrait & "Death" to boot. Stopped by the auditorium for Vivian Noni's 2 hour mini jazz concert, though not the whole thing. There's something about old grandfatherly men playing flamenco & jazz on guitars that puts a mile's length of a peaceful smile on your face.

All this of course, after completing two Stats exam papers! :) I've found the perfect place where no one really goes to cos it's in the middle of an area which you have to walk to & under such sweltering heat today, not many people bothered. Contemplated sitting in for mass at the Good Shepherd's Church for abit though for no particular reason but to listen to the preaching of the world's good & bads, of people's faith & sins, to put some perspective in me. It'd be interesting don't you think? Though ironic, because I haven't stepped into a mosque even since 1999 I'm pretty sure.

And then its off to Home Club.

Pink because I'm underaged,
but the tag slipped right off my wrist without much effort
& I copy-stamped my wrist from Syafiq's. Whoots.

Mr. I'm-not-parting-with-my-frickin'-$12-so-I'm-just-gonna-sit-outside-here Sean.
(Tyng, this is your friend.)

Some people call this "artistic";
I call it "itchy hands" during a camwhore moment.

The ONLY guy I know that admits to loving having an ass,
because he thinks his is saggy now, after quitting track. =x

(post picture)
Safith: "Let me see!"
...
Safith: "See, I cover my face. So it's damn nice."

One word description.

Adelo, you are the coolest ya ya papaya guitarist I know,
with your Zara sweater, puma shoes, sexy eyebrows & all, <3

Even if you smell your pits midway through a solo, HAHA :D

Okay this is just too cool - I SMILED, & didn't end up looking like a retard.
At least I think so anyway.

Today was almost perfect, with my lovely shades to hide behind all the better. :)

TOMORROW IS STATS & ECONS DAY, YAY. :D

1:36 AM

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Sunday, August 12, 2007

spider pig, spider pig.

Homer is just so delightfully amusing to watch yet painful, because if a person with such stupidity ever comes to exist, I think the rest of the world will cease to.

Today was unproductive in terms of studying, but met up with Erwin for dinner :) Despite, him being an hour late. All of a sudden there was an influx of stories on injuries; him falling from his 1.8m bunk bed to bleeding from his rectum & being airflown to a general hospital somewhere in Japan. And now I'm hearing about the incident when a piece of hot metal burned into his chest while he was doing some welding - Major Ouch.

Howells, early rise & shine awaits me tomorrow for a whole day of studying to make up for the foreseen guilt trip for hitting Home Club after, for ATC's EP launch. :)

Oh & a shoutout to any of my TK lovelies: let's hit school again after 22nd? For lunch, haunt teachers, see Saffy for the first time in months & just for old time's sake. :)

(ooh, notice how my smileys are all aligned. simple amusement at 1.30am.)

<3.

1:09 AM

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Saturday, August 11, 2007

so.

In the past hour plus, I've found myself to have

drunk instant coffee mixed with chinese herbs.
made instant mashed potato, took a spoonful & gave the rest to Nur Aini.
read the Oprah magazine twice over.
flipped through a dozen books, reading snippets but never completing them.
went down the stairs 11 storeys
went up the stairs 9 storeys, & took the lift for the remaining two
played those stupid but addictive match-3-in-a-row online games, in the forms of cartoon food
played the retarded pre-installed games on my phone until I got frustrated cos I kept dying.
invaded Nur Aini's phone.
played that stupid online game again, and finally died because I got stuck.

if you hadn't realised, I'm extremely bored.

I'd be lying to say that "I can't study" because I can, just that I'm ~~fucktardedly~~incredibly lethargic & can't seem to get my brain gears turning & juices flowing. This is majorly disconcerting because it means I've lost my drive = I might as well just raise my white flag up because I'm screwed three times over.

Maybe I just need lunch, food of any kind. This is where my sister comes in. No matter how much I hate her for being vain & taking years just to get ready for a simple lunc (after which is her tuition - why the hell bother to dress up??) she's the only one that makes me feel real at times. Where's the link from this to lunch, I don't know. But there, I've admitted it. Swallow it up & never remind me of this confession ever.

If you haven't studied, do tell me so I won't feel like the biggest retard in the world. Even if you have, like a million times, just tell me you haven't. You'll make my day, truly.

POM notes, here I come(?)

xxx.

2:04 PM

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Friday, August 10, 2007

voracious is an understatement.

Considering I haven't taken a bite of anything at all since 3.30pm yesterday, I declare that I AM VERY HUNGRY. Which is why once Nur Aini gets her vain ass out of her room, I am going through that front door & to City Hall Starbucks for my muffin & morning long black coffee, yum.

I've been isolating myself I think; I haven't been using my phone as much nor have I been going online (even though I usually put myself as "offline", I was still online before, but now kinda rarely) so I haven't been in touch with the ups-&-abouts of other people. Which, when put in perspective is kinda good cos that leaves time for studying right? Sadly I'm only halfway through Econs & I've yet to touch my other modules. How dead am I on a scale of one to ten? Hah.

It's 11.30am. If I don't get my coffee by 12, I'm going to scream.

Spider pig, spider pig
Does whatever a spider pig does
Can it swing, from a web?
No it can't -
it's a PIG
Look out, here comes that Spider Pig.

HAHAHAHA I LOVE THIS SONG I CAN'T BELIEVE I MISSED IT IN THE MOVIE. I'm going to irritate whoever I can with this, UNTIL they buy for me another Simpsons movie.

I've been having an influx of dreams, all of a sudden. Dreams happen to me at the same rate I take a shit, which is like. Once a week. Or twice, at most.

Other than the usuals, Erwin's back, yay. Time for some hookah. :)

<3.

11:23 AM

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Thursday, August 9, 2007

krunk 2

I love the feel of pulsating beats running through my veins. The rhythm that you just can't quit moving to, the intense warmth from the trapped body heat, the sweet smell of weed in the air, the movement of 8,000 sweaty bodies moving with you, dancing barefoot on wet sand, the company; the adrenaline rush.

Although I hated the fact that 80% of the girl population there were those skinny twit Ah Lians with fake eyelashes, fake hair & anorexic bodies; constant reminder of how superficial people are - they wore close to nothing to get the attention of guys. Which outnumbered us girls by like, 4:1 ratio I'm not kidding. Dancing with an influx of guys with hot bodies wearing the stupid NUM top, but hot bodies aren't equivalent to good looks, hoho I feel so bitchy, but it was intimidating being in that scene for one whole night.

Nevertheless, I had shit fun :) Saw so many familiar faces & met quite a few familiar people, but left around 4ish cos the music started getting dull again with the same songs playing over, just different remixes. Didn't manage to get my bacardi coke from Sean cos he came back too late & I was bored, so spent the remaining hours waiting for the train service to start just talking & having breakfast with the girls.

24+ hours of no sleep, but the girlfriends from class rocked my world yesterday :)

Beverly, Puma, Wendy <3

we should have more nights like these more often ay, instead of boring classes all the time!

Rae baby, you're still my sexy gyrating partner though, HAHA. YouthEmpire should be sued; major thefts of bags from their "locker system" (which was just the dumping of numbered bags in an enclosed area on the floor) occurred, which I think is an inside job cos security was kinda tight there.

Came back home around 7.45am when it a whole week's worth of rain was pouring down & it was fucking freezing in a skirt & bareback top. Managed to clock in about 9 hours of sleep, & now I'm doomed for major studying else I can consider myself dead for exams.

p/s Happy Birthday Singapore! Though celebrations each year are no different from the rest. I'm sacrificing fireworks tonight for books. Study, nurul. STUDY.

<3.

3:51 PM

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Wednesday, August 8, 2007

everything's almost swell, darling.

I realised I've never gone to a circus before, probably cos they have it here like close to never; the only time I remember an actual circus coming here was Cirque Du Soleil but the tickets were too expensive for me to afford by myself. I always read about circuses in books, or watched them in movies - the elephants, the trapeze artists, the mimes, the firebreathers, the clowns, the shimmer & magic of it all. And then it's all about running away with the circus, where life is of another world, and another place.

I think my childhood was deprived in that sense. I swear I'll bring my future child to a real circus, no matter what it takes.

The ride halfway home from school yesterday was spent with best friend Zack <3, I've missed his weird antiques and the level of comfort that I can immediately slip into, when what I say - even the stupidest of them all - makes sense to him but to no one else.

Anyway, the death of all projects for the semester has come! It's just so FUCKTASTIC to be relieved from endless deadlines, but then it marks the start of intense mugging now.

Studying is being accomplished at a snail's pace, but at least I've started though I know nuts about Accounts! & POM. Lesson learnt from always not bothering to listen in lectures/tutorials, hoho. I've got like what, nine days? DIE.

But KRUNK II tonight, haha fancy me going when I should be studying! But its not like I'm gonna study tonight anyway I don't have enough brain juices flowing. Going with a new crowd, but it's all gonna be good & I have about an hour to shower & dress up, so bye. <3

10:25 AM

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Monday, August 6, 2007

promise.

Because it doesn't matter, when we make mistakes, cos there are others to help us turn them around. When we need to cry, there's always at least someone to lend a shoulder and a hug. When we've come to the edge & all we want to do is fall, there's always at least someone to pull us back and remind us that maybe, it's just not the end yet.

Because you can't get rid of me that easy. Because even though we grow up, out & apart from each other, I'm still only eight numbers away from you. You don't even have to talk, I'll still listen. And I'll let you tear me apart to pieces if you need me to, up till the very last piece, just to remind you that I'm still here.

People have been breaking down lately and sometimes I can't reassure them because I'm either too busy with a project, or studying or I'm not having the best of days either. Selfish reasons. It's something like bad karma. But, life goes on. And sometimes that's what sucks cos all you want to do is stop it for abit, so you can clear your head & get your life back on track, just for that moment.

I know, I can't do much or anything, for that matter. But I want to try. <3

9:29 PM

Saturday, August 4, 2007

you have my attention, but i've lost yours.

what I go to school for.

I love that boy & girl, to bits & pieces & smithereens.

am loving Liz's expression.

group shot!<3

ooh whee, all these years & more to come.

accidental shot; thanks Nissa for taking my chubby face.

Luqman a.k.a Luke, HAHA

Zam! He turned gay after coming to NYP.

"In the zone", aye.

my dearest girls <3

Baybeats was exhilirating yet lovely at the same time, totally different from last year. Plus, the initial excitement rolling downwards into disappointment & a twinge of regret maybe, which further spiralled downward into a snafued & unstable mindset, and back into the euphoric state of indulging in the goodness of company I was with all throughout the whole thing, both old & new. King Kong Jane made a good starters; Monofone was heart-stopping, being right infront of the speakers & all; Caracal sent shivers all the way up & back. Saw some familiar faces, made some new acquaintances, & those "hi-&-byes" that don't last for more than ten seconds but you still feel good for meeting them there.

Even though Lebinlove got dragged away from us; how I hate people who take advantage of the goodness of others & expects others to wait on them hand & foot - all I can say is I (so badly) want to shove a fork up your skinny ass & turn it three times clockwise.

It was a well spent night after a rather dissatisfying week, so thanks guys - all of you - if I don't say it enough I'll just add it here one more time:
thanks so much; I love y'all crazier than ever. :)

11:40 PM

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