constant.
I like things around me to be constant. Always there, never changing, even if my environment does. Like certain people. Family. Or material things. Except money. I'd love everything to be constant so at least I have a safety net I can always count on to fall back on.
Why oh fucking why, I don't know how such bad karma can hit me at this time when I swear I've done nothing wrong. Maybe I haven't done my duties, but that can't be specifically it. Why take it out on me now, and not back then right? Must be something else. But what, what, what.
Constant. Change. Constant. I wish I could be constant too, get myself straight together. Most of you may link my incoherence to the loss of my phone and conclude how irrational and childish I'm being, but no it's much more than that really, but that's only for a handful to know.
A handful which I hope, is a constant to me.
I was strangely calm all the way home which struck me as peculiar, but maybe that's just because. I need to give it to someone for safekeeping, far far far away from me but sometimes it's like my only sanctuary. Sometimes, not always. I don't want that as a constant in my life anymore.
I didn't need this.
I think I'm sad.
