Saturday, June 23, 2007

There was actually a certain depth to the conversations, substantial words & thoughts inexplicably flowing through. sentences that didn't stem from just the surface, that were random, yet had a different light shone upon them. Something that I had to adjust to, take a step back into what was once familiarity.

There's Anne, with her 'wiser-than-thou' words that leave me inspired each time, nonetheless. She mentioned how others shouldn't define me, that I shouldn't change for the sake of others; she sees me being my own person & that I am Nurul,
{quote} the girl who doesn't wear studs but needs dangling/chunky earrings because it exudes your 'isms'.{/quote}

Then there is Sarah, her intellect & articulation of words flowing out of her like an age old fountain. I've always admired how gathered her thoughts were, how she was able to express herself in words when others struggle to. Words & art; her weapons in life, her determination to excel blows me away sometimes. Her mannerisms, her eccentricity, that sets her apart from the rest. & yes, ACJC has left a mark on her, the influx of bitching that I don't blame her solely for, haha.

Sharatul, the intricate character. I couldn't honestly answer if she had changed or not, when she asked me that. I guess it depends from who's perspective; we all tend to be chameleon at times, changing our skins & colors depending on the level of comfort zone we're in. I've missed her singing, how her voice can leave me awestruck sometimes. Her random thoughts that leave me thinking more than I should be. Her reassurances that I've missed, that I find I've been yearning for of recent. Yet when the awkard silences come, unwelcome, fitting themselves in certain moments, I can't help but wonder: what was lost?

I think we all take advantage of what we had, that we never really find the time & place to just stop; to look, feel & listen. It's only when what we had's left or gone, then only do we realise how much we crave for them; the comfort, the homeliness, the warmth, the solace. The sense of being whole, as a person. & if we never learnt to appreciate what was then, how are we to do the same for what is now?

I may not've been, or be, as close to them in comparison to past/present (give & take the circumstances); i've lost touch with a certain few people. but then again - what is close? sure, let's recount the frequent "i miss you's" & all that of the like; but such words prove meagre, & don't exactly define anything.
food for thought?