animosity for what's become, now.
i'll see you in a few months or less, little sunshine of mine. kakak loves you very much, <3.
& the best yet worst part of it was, that despite the goodbyes being somewhat hurried & disturbed (why didn't it occur to me that she'd come see them off as well, geez?),
Ruran slowly teared, that silent cry that showed she understood that we weren't leaving her this time, but she was leaving us.
i could've just crumbled, i wanted to freeze that moment & not let time run any further.
my idea of coming home is not of one to an empty household, with no one to greet you but darkness, and maybe the soft trickle of the tap that can never be turned off proper.
on a bright note though, i met up with
five of my favourite girls today! Viv, Kerri, Rae, Nirosha & Zidd :) how lovely, except that for about half an hour we were seated infront of Mrs Chan, devouring her salad all by her lonely self; we could've asked her to join us but we were
gossiping talking about other certain teachers/ex-teachers that she shouldn't know about, oh well.
i've missed them all a whole lot, and it struck me how we were all strangers in sec 3 (except for Nirosha & i) yet grew closer in our final year, thanks to the seating arrangement that bound us to being in a radius of 4 tables from each other.
not much has changed,
Vivien will be leaving for Canberra again this Sunday, & go back to ogling at that hot guy on her campus she was raving about, hoho :) walked around Orchard with
Nirosha &
Rae after, joined by
Denise, for abit. spilling stories & sharing thoughts/advice along the way, it was a well spent afternoon, can't wait for Cafe Del Mar next :)
the house is much too quiet now, i wish Nuraini would come home quicker.
sometimes i wish for a family, a real one. one that i can come home & tell stories of my day to, one that i can sit around a table for proper dinner with, share lengthy conversations with, instead of the awkward silences we're faced with now, the silence filled with the mutual understanding that we could not fill the blanks any longer, because that's what we've come to at this point - empty, unfilled blanks.
yes i am sad right now, and i wish i just knew how to actually talk about it to someone, maybe it'd do me some good this time.
this, just bluntly
sucks.
