pensive, non?
i like talking to guys because they are less judgmental and they can be so silly that you can smack them hard & won't feel bad about it even if they whine cos you'd be too busy laughing at how gay he sounded.
unless you start to get the vibes that he likes you, then everything's ruined cos it hits you that HE'S JUST ANOTHER
GUY.
my appetite has increased recently, fluctuating persistently from the start of school & i don't like it one bit cos appetite is due to boredom & moodswings, and the occurences of both are very often nowadays.
& when you think about it, i'm actually faced with options of food at every turn in campus.
i hesitate taking pictures with others because there's a new fear instilled whereby it would turn out deformed so i don't look at it after it being taken, and taking them with others means that i can't delete & retake as i wish if i don't like the outcome, which is leaving me ignorant. in some way that i can't explain.
like such, i think my cheekbones have gained.. um, skin. mass. whatever.
maybe i should go one of those fruit diets, eat fruits for breakfast, lunch & dinner. or maybe some real food for lunch, but still fruits for the other two nonetheless. because i'm barely exercising & there's no p.e whatsoever to groan about but keep me fit, so chances of me ballooning up are very very
very big.
and my craving for fruits have also grown, must be a sign. i even think about them on such random habits. grapes, strawberries, plums; i bought plums on impulse on a trip to Jason's to get a bottle of water, how strange.
i won't go back on those
extreme thinspiration ideas that i used to get too, but i should cut down on alot, especially since i'm also stretched a wee bit too tight financially, so maybe it's a good thing. :D
& i'd rather suffer social discrimination because the society is being so anal & fucked over by the obsession to being too thin, rather than look like an alien anytime.
there was some fancy schmancy event at
Paragon showcasing some really expensive glamorous watches, which made us wish it was our formal dress day so we could just go in & no one would shoo us off for being too informal/noisy like how they almost did at Sakae earlier.
like, free hor d'oevres (sp?) & wine, while you pretend to be rich enough to be able to buy what's on display? ooh la la.
& people as such get to rub shoulders with celebrities too; though no doubt local, still celebrities.
like Fann Wong; she really doesn't look much different from the screen to being a storey below you. skinny twit, with duperly straight hair and the sweet smile she had to keep smiling while her publicist had to fan away the many people who wanted to take a photo with her but couldn't because there were more important people to take photos with. the poor thing.
& the models, HAHA, they were tall thin & gorgeous but what a pity that cos they're modelling watches, they had to pose in ways that displayed such narcissism, hugging themselves while wearing low cut dresses with legs twice my own's length.
and being too thin = having saggy boobs, i'm sorry to say.
all the models looked starved so it must be some conspiracy like not eating for three weeks before this event, because to have ten such models naturally thin at the same event is abit too, unnatural.
pause.
i don't think some people get how weird and how much a put-off it is to be the third, fifth or seventh wheel. where you're the one in extra and you feel like the biggest fool because you were too nice to say "fuck, no" when they somehow find a last minute reason to squeeze their half in between the exchange of words occuring between the two of you about having a meet up later.
i'm not being bitter, but maybe, just maybe, you should try being in my shoes & realise how that after that, you're forced to just smile & laugh appropriately when you're actually thinking of leaving early if it wasn't for the genuine truth that you wanted their company, so you can bare yourself to those you've missed like fuck, without feeling silly because there are some who don't even know you except your name.
not that it's a bad thing or whatever. cos i like to see people happy, cos that makes me happy. :D & it tugs on your heart strings when you see two people with such a connection, cos it's truly heartwarming & yet frustrating, knowing that the chances of you having such luck is close to zilch thanks to your fickle mind & guarded senses & your narrow mind.
i believe in the idea of love, but i'm not a participant of it & whether i'm happy or not with it is very subjective.
again, i'm not being bitter. & i'm sure people will just hate me for saying all this, but if you'd wanted to really listen to me before then you would've heard this a long time before this. oh, well.
unpause.
OH, I'M PLANNING TO GET MY HAIR CUT because its length is way exceeding my chest, which it doesn't usually, SO IF ANYONE'S INTERESTED IN GOING FOR A HAIRCUT TOO, CALL ME UP & WE CAN GO HAVE A FUN GIRLY AFTERNOON with maybe manicures to end the day. :D
i'm bored, need to sleep in and get rid of these frickin horribly ugly eyebags.
i've been quite a happy camper today.
love. x
