tonight was very thought provoking.
in the sense that suddenly it felt like there was a lot of things to deal with, & it seemed measurably overwhelming. taking it a step at a time did not even help; it's not something you think you can throw to tomorrow to deal with. maybe it stems from something rooted deep within, something you can't let go of. memories, maybe. the happy beautiful ones, like beautiful pearls strung together on a fine, strong thread. the thread you wear around your neck & finger through, to remind yourself of what you had.
the bits of sand in between... well, it's never too much of a task to brush them away.

separation was never easy to deal with. change is another challenge. refusing to face these two straight on had always been a habit, taking instead the alternative route & delving in oblivion & futile wishing. the third phase of acceptance isn't easy but somewhat more manageable. although wondering bits of why & how appear, accepting what was happening was the best way of forgetting & moving a step forward, maybe two.

but the fourth phase of memory still bites hard on the ass, pulling you back three miles.

maybe it wasn't memory.
maybe it's only me.

maybe it was more of over-dependence. or over-reliance, if you wish. the pillars that you began with, have now been demolished & used to build different pillars. pillars protecting another. shielding another.


how do i say this easily?


i miss you guys. i really do.


love, me.
Xo