when the stars go blue
recently i got some news from a friend regarding her personal life issues, and i couldn't help the plethora of emotions washing back upon me instead. i felt foolish & selfish at the same time cos there she was crying, and even though my heart goes out to her, i was thinking of what had struck me as well.
it doesn't burn so fresh as it once did no more, but once in awhile i still get reminded of it.
see that's why sometimes i feel its a drag to meet new people. for some reason they tend to ask "how many siblings do you have?" and i'll say truthfully & sincerely that i have "seven, including myself." sometimes it stops there, other times they'll just ask further questions and sooner or later, they'll know that four of us live in M'sia, two of us in S'pore & the baby in Jakarta. then the questions start, and when i finally get down to explaining, the reaction i'm given always comes down to the same "oh, i'm sorry."
sorry for what? you couldn't have done anything, and neither could i.
but you know, the Lord is fair. whatever mishaps He gives us, He'll reward us with His love & kindness as well. it's not a quick exchange; sometimes takes a few years, but it does happen. it's a give & take thing - you hate Him for awhile for taking, and then you thank Him after, for giving. life's a wheel rolling; sometimes you hit the gravel, but you'll come back on top.
to say that "i wish it didn't happen" would sound fairly weird & crude, but i honestly can't imagine the past four years if things didn't happen the way they did.
if things didn't happen the way they did, i wouldn't have gotten four more people to love to death.
and i wouldn't have gotten an angel for a bonus (:
i used to say that i'd "lost her", cos when something's lost, there's a chance of it being found again. cos something can only be 'lost' or 'missing' when it is missed most.
& although there's still regret and aches, lately i've come around to realising that i can't & won't find what i've lost. and i think i'm perfectly fine with that.
and well for my friend, she's just starting her rollercoaster ride. miracles happen, and for them to do so, we've gotta have more faith & belief than we had before. and life may seem to suck at its peak at times, but everything will turn around again someday.
so dear friend, hold on during the ride. even when you close your eyes during its stomach lurching ups & downs, when you open your eyes, i'll be right next to you, to support you through the ride so you won't fall off.
